Day three and doing alright
Ok, doing alright. Had a moment of wanting to bing but resisted. I have found I always want to eat when the “authority” is not at home. I thinki it comes fromw hen I was younger and living with my family, I would wait till they were not around and then eat. So, anytime I am alone, that is when it hits. I will have to learn how to cope but I really think that it will never go away. It comes down to that I have to be constantly aware of the problem . Kinda like an addict, ok, like an addict. They never get rid of their addiction completely. They only learn how to manage the monster and have to be on their guard all the time. Sounds like an exhausting life. Just being honest. I know another root problem is my rebellious nature. I want what I can’t have. Being told I can’t have something leads to me wanting it even more. Sure sure, some of you will say, don’t deprive y oruself, take small portions and so on but what you don’t think about is I am an addict. Take an alcoholic or a druggie for instance, if they come to you saying I want to drink/get a hit but I can’t and it makes me feel like I am so deprived, what will you say? Oh, just take a small hit, just take a small sip and then you can handle it. No, of course not. YOu know that even that small taste will set them off. So it is with me also. I can’t control myself. I know I really don’t want to eat and not hungry but I still keep stuffing myself. Have done that since, goodness, I was 12 to 13. My mother quit buying the boxes of ice cream because I would eat them all, one day. Still really bad about that. I buy popsicles and such and I can eat probably six or more in one sitting. I know what I am doing and I feel horrible but it is like I can’t stop myself. I get up and get another one and tell myself, this is the last one, no more. So, how to learn to stop this. I can go for a walk, get online and so on but in the back of my mind, the urge is there , it is like an obsession . SO how to stop, I don’t know. It isn’t like drinking or drugs where you can totally give it up. YOu have to eat. I know he answer you know I just don’t want to accept it. I have to eat healthy the rest of my life and give up all the junk. Salad or grilled will be a way of life. I just hate to think about that but I know in the end, that will be all that works. I just worry about my mentality, all or nothing. How did I lose that 100 pounds, all or nothing baby. I have tried to change it but after 100 pounds, still hasn’t changed. One day I have to learn. I still have at least 40 more pounds to lose and I want thta so bad. But do I want it bad enough to overcome binging?
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wow you are doing awesome and you look fantastic! congratulations on getting through day three, i know its hard, just hold out for as long as possible, and each day it will get a little easier!
Wow Rachel, you hit the nail right on the head! That is so me…. my Dad was on my case from the time I was a chubby 12 year old. I really showed him, when he wasn’t around. and so it continues to this day. I’ve tried to figure out for years why I binge, time of day? how much sugar I’ve had? protein? etc, but you are so right….it’s when I’m alone and no one can see, that’s when it happens. Well I was aware of that…now I think I know why. No authority figure! You are so smart to figure that out. Maybe knowing this will make a difference. I can’t thank you enough for this blog.
Do you think there is any chance of replacing that authority figure? If we could just put ourselves in charge….? Is that the root of the problem, that we don’t feel in charge of ourselves? Hmmmm… I could so easily confuse myself. lol
I think you are right about the fact that we too are addicts. It is a hard habit to break and one I don’t think will ever go away. I wish it was that easy but I too binge when my man goes back out on the road it seems. I grew up stuffing my face whenever I was alone because I didn’t want others to make me feel ashamed since I myself made me feel guilty enough but not knowing how to break the cycle. Best of luck to you and your progress is amazing to where you are now. I would love to have your body!
Hey girl! Long time since I’ve been on… I TOTALLY relate to the addict thing, I used being pregnant as an excuse to binge for quite a while (well, the depression, shock, anger, etc. added fuel to that) but as the baby has grown, I physically can not binge right now… it’s a weird feeling. I imagine quite a bit like it must feel when you have your stomach stapled. But I still am constantly thinking about food, when and what I’ll eat next. You know if we could find a magic cure for that type of thinking we’d be rich!!!
I was always thin until I got married 15 years ago. I have gone so downhill from there. I understand exactly where you are coming from. I agree with Sandy..we have to take charge & control of ourselves.
Hang in there hun.