From Cocoon to butterfly

And that was just five days. Horrible really if you consider what I was eating to keep up there and keep going up. Many say they can’t really get that many calories in to gain so fast but I sure can and I hate it. Iam feeling so much better and more in control of myself. It is great also because I was getting into the habit of weighing on Tuesday and then binging the rest of the day with the rational that I would have six days to get it off. Crazy but that is what I would do and of course I went up and never down from that. But today, just weighing in makes me even more motivated to keep it going and get it down and to goal for good. I can now wear more of my clothes that I bought in the US and that feels good. I still have ones I can’t wear and underwear but I am looking forward to getting them on again soon! I want to look nice and feel nice. It is so  strange that I use food to make me feel better but within 10 min of it, I get to be a terrible witch and feel like the world has it out for me. I really think the chemicals in it are not good for me. Maybe it is alright in small doses but in the large doses I do, I pretty much overdose on it and my body has it’s revenge on me not just in weight gain but also in bad attitude and so on. I want to keep this up and feel I love myself again. I know I still have a ways to go but hey, first step is a doozy and then the rest will fall in line. I am thinking I can be in the 150’s by August and maybe high 140s. So, By Sept, I can start to wear my cooler weather clothes because if I don’t get down, I will have nothing to wear!

Oh, and Nancy, no new job yet. Still looking but can’t find any. My job told me too late so many places don’t need a teacher. Trying to not worry aboiut it but I still do.