From Cocoon to butterfly

I have to laugh somewhat at everyone talking about the old Rachel being back but you know what, it is true. I took less then a year and lost over 100 pounds without looking back. Then due to some things, I lost control in November and put on 30 or so pounds in just a few months. I was thinking about my feelings. When I am out of control of myself, I really do feel out of control, my whole life feels like it is in pieces. I can’t even blog analogies or anything like that but once I get my life back on track, things fall back to where they should be. I can’t say it is the easiest thing to do, goodness, who says that life is easy. Even Jesus had a bad time being human. What makes us think we will not? I have to deal with temptations every day. Goodness, I can tell you about each one at this time. But I am getting better at resisting because I know if I fall one time, it will be so much harder to get back on. Even my husband is getting back his hope again. I know he was so scared that I was going to put it all back on and yes, the fear was actually grounded. But now he sees me getting myself back together and he has hope again that I can keep doing it and keep the flow going. I want to . I hate the way I feel right now. When I look at my body, I cringe at the way it looks, when I put clothes on, I don’t feel really great about them. I want that, I look good” feeling back again and I am going to get it!

I am still running with the vampires so don’t forget that one. Edward never did bite Belle, he retain his strength throughout the whole time. It really is aobut decided it and that is it, no indecision, no backing out. I use to think that when I was tempted, that was me not decided but it isn’t. Although the Cullens made the choice to not eat people, they still were tempted. I will stell be tempted but I still make the right choices.