From Cocoon to butterfly

I am winning. slow but steady but I am doing it. Today was rough. I did well in the morning and afternoon but late afternoon, a teacher comes to the office carrying a loaf of fresh baked pastry/bread,still warm from the oven. Ok, kill me!  Well, she was insisting I take some pieces for the kids so I put it on the desk in front of me with the tissue box between me and got busy doing some heavy thinking. I had a “wow” moment. For such a long time I have beat myself up for being weak to temptation. Every time I look and crave, I make myself feel terrible about it. But today, it was a revelation to me. It is alright to be tempted. It is normal to want to eat those things and I am not a bad person because of it, it does not make me weak. Think about the Cullens, (yes, still in the book) they are vampires and have to drink blood. Every day they have to endure the temptation. Smelling it, wanting it does not make them a bad person. It is in resisting it or not that makes or breaks. They resist it although they want it so bad. They want to live life to the fullest that they can. I have to be the same way. As I looked at the bread, yes, it smelled good but I realized that it was alright to be tempted but I can’t give in, I would be giving my life away in doing so. I am feeling so much better and lighter in spirit and in thinking. I don’t want to give that away. So, deciding that and knowing I made that decision, I did not eat the bread.

Then, I come home and my in laws have made wontons, my fav! My fil had asked if I wanted to eat my food (diet) or have wonton earlier and I told him I wanted my own veggies. Wontons are great but full of salt and fatty meat. Anyway, I came home and asked where my food was. My mil was like, hmm, father did not say anything abou thtat, grr! She then tried to convince me to eat wonton because she thinks I should not lose any  more weight. But I remained strong and said, I want to eat my veggies, thank you. So, have to wait and when it comes time to eat, there were two platters of wontons on the table just staring at me. Ack! Well, I just thought, it is alright to be tempted but it is in falling to it that is the wrong thing. So, I ate my food all the while eyeing them but I did not fall. I would not kill my happiness.
And so, I won for another day!