From Cocoon to butterfly

Ok, I am officially sick of the old me! The old me that buys two boxes of cream pies and eats all 12 of them in two hours. That is not feasible if I am to live life as a thin person. I can’t give up. I have never been one to give up when I am only 1/2 way in doing anything. I have always been a very stubborn and tough person. I wouldn ot let my marriage fizzle, I fought for it and did not give up. I never gave up my idea for living overseas no matter what ridicule I got from my parents. I did not give up my last child no matter how bad everyone was pushing me. Many many incidences that show me that I AM a strong person. I am not a TRY person but a DO person and it is time to get the DO back into my weight losing!  I have to determine to myself that there are things I just can’t have. Even when it is in the house, I have to have the control, no, I have the control to not eat any of it. I have to make my mind up that no matter what, no matter who , no matter whatever, I am going to do this, I will do this and I will continue doing this. At times I let myself get depressed because I know this is a lifetime fight. There is no end, no finish no nothing, just a long winding road that continues. But what I have to look forward to is the road leveling. Right now, yes, it is all uphill, difficult and time consuming but once I get to goal, the road will level off. I can’t get off the road, I can’t stop in the middle of the road and I have ton continually be concious of the road but it will not be uphill. I can’t get depressed at knowing I always have to stay on the road. It is something that in my life I will have to do. Such as work, we all have to have a job, we don’t always want to and don’t always enjoy it but we still do it, why, because we have too./ So, staying concious of my weight and what I eat, that has to be like having a job, something I have to have and do.

So, today I got up and the weather is warming up a little so I put on some clothes I bought in the US. I feel better. Then I made my decision about my hair. I flitter flutter about the decision for a few weeks. I don’t cut my hair and it is really long so I have to be really careful about what I do to it. About four or five months ago I had some color put in it, some red and a tiny bit lighter. Well, the roots are out and have been out and today I woke up and thought, ok, I have on new clothes, I feel better. Ok, stop being wishy washy and let’s get the hair done. So I went out this morning and got it done. Not a huge difference because I am not one to like huge differences but enough that I notice and feel better. Ok, so, new clothes, new hair, what is next…… New attitude.   I am ready for a new attitude. I am tired of gaining and then losing a few days and then gaining back again. The old attitude is bad and I am ready for my new attitude to match everything else. I am ready to put on clothes and feel good.
So, out with the old and in with the new!