From Cocoon to butterfly

Well, I did really well on plan till after supper. Dog, why do I do that to myself. I was fine but those stupid cookies I bought for the kids were just there. I wasn’t hungry and knew I wasn’t hungry but I still caved in. From now on, I am only going to buy  a single serving to give the kids right away and keep it out of my sneaky hands. But today is a new day and I am starting it over again. I am going to get this right. I kept drinking tea last night to help myself but it did not even seem to phase it so I think I should stick to strong coffee, that usually does help me a lot.

I was looking in the mirror at myself today and was not happy with what I see. I really need to get my butt in there and see yself when I get those cravings. I have put on too much weight and it is showing, really showing on me. What is wrong with me that I keep doing it despite what I know! grr.  So, I am writing a list comparing one to the other

How I feel when on plan: I have a lot more energy, when night comes, I am tired but a good tired from good eating and exercise. I feel in control because I know waht I am eating and I can control what I am eating. I feel great about myself and my health, I look in the mirror and like who I see and who I am becoming. I dress my age and a bit younger and it looks good, my husband thinks I am sexier, I feel sexier and believe him when he says I am pretty, I dress up and actually feel dressed up, I feel lighter and can do more exercises without getting out of breath, I can sit down without the skin btw the breasts and stomach rising up to meet me. I can wear all my clothes

How I feel when Off plan: I have less patience, I have sugar crashes and at night just feel so lethargic from all that I ate, I feel like a fat whale, I hate what I see in the mirror, my thighs, butt and waist have expanded like a balloon, I can’t fit in all my clothes and the ones I can fit in are getting tighter, I am dressing in dark colors again and dressing like an old lady, I feel terrible, I feel out of control, The fear is overwhelming, the fear of getting really fat again, the fear of everyone seeing me balloon out again, the fear of them pointing at the really fat lady, the fear that I will have to get my fat clothes out again that I can’t seem to throw out because of the fear, Hating what I look like and not dressing nice because it seems nothing looks nice on me.

so, weighing on on both sides, I know which side is better. Next time I want to eat, I need to come on here and just blog. Helped me before and can help me again. I am ready to face the scale without fear, and get this fat off!!