From Cocoon to butterfly

Thank you buddies, for all your kind comments. It makes me feel great to know you missed me and I sure missed finding out about you guys. Things are going much better for me now. I do have my enthusiasm back for losing weight but sadly, it fled Friday, in the presense of chocolate int he teacher’s office. :(  But today is a new day and I promised myself there will be no more starting tomorrow. Today is the day that I will not fall, I will succeed.
I do feel so clearly that the rain is gone. I felt such depression in Oct and November and then gave into it in December resulting in gaining weight. But now, things seem so much better. I went to the doctor in America and she helped me as much as she could. She could not do as much as she wanted to because she could not do any kind of follow up with me but she told me the feelings I had were most likely a vitamen defincency. She told me to take b6 and calcium before my cycle and that should help. I do think it has helped because once I arrived in the US, my parents already had me on a vitamen regument and when I had my cycle, I did not have any mood swings or anything so I think that was the reason. I am continueing my vitamens while here and shall see how I react with my cycle coming quickly close again. Usually, the mood swings hit the week before but thus far, no mood swings so I think that was the problem. I also know that just having that time to relax and just take care of me really did help. Before I left, all sexual desire had deserted me. But now , I am fine. My husband is very relieved to say the least. He is worried about the weight gain but hasn’t said anything but I know him and can interpret things without him saying anything. He is not the only one. Goodness, I am worried myself. I don’t want to “outgrow” my clothes so I have got to get a handle on things and quickly!

But overall, my life is going so much better. My school treats me well and hasn’t done anything bad as of yet (sorry, have trouble trusting)  Classes are good and I am enjoying them much better now that I don’t have a full time job on top of teaching the primary. My son is now going to the same school as my daughter and I can see it is helping him (although he feels it is more work because the teacher’s push him) so it is much easier to keep any eye of both of them and so mcuh easier to pick them up after class. My husband is treating me really well especially with me being gone almost a month. He even rremember Valentine’s day without anyone reminding him and usually I only get one rose but this time he got me a dozen. Even wanted to take me on a trip for it but I was traveled out so I declined. My trip tot he Us was really nice and I got along with my mother really well. I admit it though, I did tilt the balance in favor of me by giving them money for feeding me, buying things for my mother and cooking/cleaning and mos tof all, not disagreeing with her. Worked out well. I think I found out what one of the problems are. They think I have lots of money. Why? Bec ause when I go back to visit, I have all this cash and I buy a lot of things to take back. What they don’t think is how many part time jobs I have to save this up, that 7 RMB is 1 dollar so I have to save seven times as much and that when anyone goes on vacation, they always have extra money to spend at their destination. But that is my parents, they are only looking at what I spend. So, when I don’t give them money or things, they think I am being selfish or whatever (these are just my deductions) All the money I bring is my savings but I have lots of bills just like them to pay. But I think this is one of the problems so I guess to head that one off I need to help out with the food buying and so on but it means a heavier burden on me to be able to do it. 

Is it worth it, maybe maybe not. They like me now but in a few months, who knows. That is life

But, I am feeling so much better, like the old me is back and that is nice. Now, have to get the fat off so everyone can see! hehe. Especially before spring gets here.