From Cocoon to butterfly

Well, still struggling but really working it as much as I can. Fat and I are in constant war, Me, I am blunt and honest but fat, he is suductive and so smooth at getting what he wants. Hate that. Today, was feeling great an don top of the diet world. Then I came home and fat and I started  having a conversation. Him, with his half truths and such . Went something like this

Fat: not many snacks there but I bet that bread would taste good

Me: I can’t’ do that, I already messed up last night and don’t need to do that again. I have to stay on this and get down

Fat: Why worry about it, do it tomorrow, I have a great idea, you can eat all that is there and then it will be gone and you can start off tomrrow with no worry

Me: Hmm, what about exercise, I plan to do it this afternoon at the school and also tonight

Fat: Dont’ worrya bout it. Just bring your book to read instead of exercising at the school and you don’t have to go tonight, it is raining and bad weather so the teacher will understand why you don’t go

Me: That is true … inching closere to the bad stuff.

Fat: YOu should eat the lao po bing while you are at it.

Me: I already messed up once yesterday. I need to stop this and get the rest of my weight off for going to the US

Fat: Why worry, you have already lost so much weight that even if you gain some weight, they will still compliment you on how muchy you have lost

Me: Ok, I don’t like that It feels like dishonesty and I want to be down even more when I go to the US! I want to feel like I have done a great job

Fat: Nobody is here, don’t worry about that, just eat what you want now and then tomorrow just start again

ME: no, I really don’t want to do that because I will know and I am the most important. Plus, I have the valentine’s challange going on and I am going for 125, I want to make that number and really make it and stop playing in the upper numbers.

Fat; don’t listen to yourself, listen to me!

Me; I am walking away fat! I am not listening anymore and I am going for a cup of coffee

You can see how smooth fat can be at talking around things and I almost listened! But I am getting rid of the said bad stuff that was tempting me and going for my exercise today and tonight. Staying hme at night for cleaning is not working so I am going to start going to the gym and doing exercise instead. Don’t want to but just because we don’t want to do things doesn’t mean we can’t do it. I can do it and it will make me look better. Like I was telling my husband , I want to be called small, I want to reach my goal for the first time in my life! And the only way to do it is to stick to this and make it work!  So fat , I want a divorce!