From Cocoon to butterfly

Well, need to go out grocery shopping with my smallest tonight and my first thought was, hmm, what could I buy and take home to eat. All these visions of junk food just dancing in my head, ah, terrible. In my mind I was thinking that I could just eat what I wanted tonight since I hvae managed to get so much of the excess off. So, I am catching myself now and thinking about what I am doing now before I do somethign I will regret. Why shouldn’t I eat tonight? Because I feel so much better now. Physcially I dont’ feel so fat, my stomach is not sticking out becauwe I have eaten too much, I don’t feel sick to  my stomach. I know my DH will capture me tonight and if I eat too much, I will feel too bad and lethargic to really respond. I am happy with the way  I look now that I have gotten back  down, the fat was starting to come back but now I see it going down once again. My clothes are fitting looser and looser and number one is that I am going home soon and I want to be firmly down before I go. I want to weigh less then everyone there except my sis in laaw and if I go off today, then I will feel terrible and start the whole vicious cycle again. I  have already slowed myself for three weeks, why would I want to do it again. It isn’t worth it. When things are bought, it is for the kids, not for me. I don’t need it in my system. Just becuase it is christmas doesn’t give me a licence to binge. Spring will be here before you know it (I say this as we expect snow on Sat) but the time will go fast and before I know it, I will be taking off the layor of clothes and everyone will see what I have or haven’t put on my body> My parents are losing weight and I don’t want to go back moaning about how I have gained weight. I should be proud of losing weight. I like having the control so it isnt’ worth it to break down for snack food and such. My plan, going to eat my food tonight and that will help me with my hunger because it is almost supper here. Then I will go shopping but not put one morsel in my mouth. Think about Jan. 13th, Jan 13th, leaving here. I want to be able to wear my cute outfit to leave in. If I keep breaking down to binge, I will not be able to do it. I will let myself down and everyone else who is cheering for me. NOt worth it. I want that new avi!