From Cocoon to butterfly

Hate the snack monster. It really is indestructable. I keep killing that thing off and it keeps coming back. But the major thing is to just keep fighting it. After all, typing fingers can’t be snacking fingers right? So that is why I am on right now, trying to keep thoughts and nose out of any ick that I am in the vicinity to. I wonder, does everyone has these struggles or is it based just on people that are losing weight? When I look at the thin women walking downt he street, they just buy when they want to snack on something and it seems they don’t have a care in the world yet I sit here and struggle with my snacking urges because I know that is one long steep slippery slope. What is the difference? Could it be because I don’t have portion control? That I have no control over myself. The other ones (TO Thin ones) can eat one thing and then they are full. They can open a package of cookies and stop. Myself, I would eat one then two and give up and eat it all. How can I teach myself to be like a TO? I have had trouble with control from the time I was a child. I remember mom would get things from the Swan man and I would eat and eat and eat and just could not stop and noone knew how to stop me becauswe I was a professional sneaker. I did not know how to stop> I would eat one and it would just taste so good and then I wanted another. I would be full but just wanted that taste. I knew there was one more in there, had to go back. So, how to teach myself/ I was hoping it would be as easy as breaking the habit but it has become much more then a habit, it is my life. I have been eating and controlling myself for over 8 months now so  a simple habit would have been broken by now. I know I do react to stresses. When everyting that could go wrong did go wrong on Monday, my initial reaction was, eat!! I did not and I was fully concious of my feelings so I am learning from that but back to my orginal question, it can’t be just the stuff we eat that makes us overweight. I see too many TO eating cake, bread and other goodies. How do I learn control from them? Do I have to just exert superhuman strength to keep myself at one? Does it get easier after practice? Do I have to look forward to always fighting with it all my life? After haivng my last child, I got really bad with snacking. I would eat lunch and be full but still wanted to snack. I made it is point to stop at a different convience store every day and I would buy at least, two to three packages of cookes, a bag of choclate and some bread or what nots. Then, within a space of less then an hour, I ate them all. Then the next day, this cycle would go again. I would tell myself I would not do it again but I would and did. If I went to the bakery and bought things for the kids, within 30 min  or so, I ate them all. Now, I buy only one thing for a one time eat for the kids so it isn’t around afterwards but it is so hard. The impulse is still there. HOw do I get rid of that? Can I conquere it? Or will I just learn to subdue it, to live with it and acknowledge it’s danger? I still have at most, 36 more pounds to lose or least 26 so I am still planning on my living lean stage. I know there will be times where I do want to eat normal and I will but I have to learn control, i have to learn portions but it does worry me. So many people I know struggle with their weight. Even when reaching LL, they struggle and for most, gain it back. I don’t want to be that way. I am already going to incorporate my cousin’s technique, once I hit 4 to 5 pounds gain, back to losing. Never go above. Always weigh in every day and watch it. Only by being continual concious of it, always watching and always always being vigilant can I keep it off. Melissa has kept hers off for over a year, I can too but will it get easier?