From Cocoon to butterfly

“Self-Image:
VISUALIZING your new self-image  

Joy joy, TOM is back!! I was so worried there for awhile with it being over a week late but it showed up this morning> Have never been so glad to see it!! Weigh in was good and I am excited excited and did I say, excited!

 Self image, that is something that so hard for me to think about. I know many have talked about visualizing what they will look like when they reach goal but I actaully have no idea what so ever I will look like at goal. Sure, everyone can tell you but until you actually experience it, you don’t know. For me, I know 150, that is all I know. I can remember being in 5^th grade and wanting a dress but my mother would not buy it because it was only as big as a 10 and I was already bigger then a 10 by then, I don’t know what size I was but I can remember shopping in the hated huskies dept. So, how can I visualize something I really never experienced. I could not even tell you what size I will be or anything so I have to say, I find myself fascinating right now. Every day I look at my body and just stare at it because it is a stranger’s body. I see changes but it is taking a while to accpet them as MINE. But I can say, my self image is much better now then it was before. I still feel fat, maybe I will always forever feel that way but I don’t feel really fat and I think that is progress. I can look in a reflection of myself and not hate what I see, that is progress to me. There are still a lot of areas I want to change but that is good, it keeps me on my toes and makes me continue and not want to stop. I realize my self image is still a mit murkey and be cuase of that, I am letting my husband tell me where to stop because I don’t know if I will miss the perfect number or not so I depend of his input. I do have to work on my self image as in that I am strong, I can make it. I am getting better with it but the fear is still there. My mother was laughing at me and urging me to  throw away my fat clothes but I just can’t, not yet. I know I have to work on that part but I have time. I will get there, I am sure. But in some areas, I have no problem visualizing success. I can see me at where I want to be, don’ know what I will look like but I can see the scale there. I can see myself going into shops in the US and buying the cute clothes I have always wanted. Going into coldwater and buying cute dresses and skirts. I can see myself getting off the plane and shocking my family at being tiny. I can see myself gettig into the airplane seat and having plenty of room left over. I can see events. The biggest one I am really looking forward to is having my husband pick me up, carry me! Today, I took a big step. My mother has wanted me to have pics made of the kids and I together and I had been holding off. You know, you want to be thin for them. Well, I went out today and set up an appointment for it to be done. I am happy with myself. I will not stay where I am but I am happy to have pics made. My mother also urged me to get some sexy pics made when I go back to the US. I agreed. This from a girl who hid behind the camera all the time. Of all the pics in the US, I am in only one. That is how I am but I am changing and by agreeing and actually honestly wanting to, I can seel myself image getting better and better. 

Rachel