From Cocoon to butterfly

I am so happy lately. Losing weight does not solve allt he problems in your life but it does take a heavy burden off of your shoulders. I never realized how much I “carried” the weight. Not only was I carrying it around physically but also mentally. I let it weigh my self confidence down till I had so little left to lift up. I let it weigh my happyness down because I thought I did not deserve it. I let it do so much to me and it became such a heavy burden more mentally then physically. I have never really been able to buy clothes here and that was actually one of my goals to hit. Today, I had to go ina place that is like a outlet mall? Hard to explain but many shops are there and you just weave in and out of shops finding whatever clothes you want. Well, I was there today looking for a jacket and I could fit in almost everything they had in every shop. The feeling was wonderful! To feel like I fit where I should. Not clothes wise but being able to walk in a shop and they help me instead of looking at me like I am a bull in a China shop. It was the greatest feeling. The jacket I bought looks really good so can’t wait to wear it. Then, many of the people there know me because I have shopped there a lot for my kids and such and some of them did not even recognize me. I could hear them whispering about whether I was the one that had three kids or not (having three kids is somethign that nobody does here so I am known for that) They even asked me, are you the one with three kids. They were amazed and I was embarrassed but it felt good. So many ask me how to lose weight and everyting. I felt so great!. There are still some things I can’t fit like skirts and the more narrow coats but I am getting there. I have about 37 more pounds to lose at most and really excited about losing them. I also got on my scales today to see what my weight was for my heart breakers (Monday is my official weigh day) and I have earned my next avi! 110 pounds lost! I can’t beleive it!

On other news, a little worried. Probably nothing and praying it is nothing but my period is a week late. Usually the day gets earlier every month so this is strange for me. Hoping it has someting to do with the weight loss. I have been cut and tied so there should be no chances but the worry is still there and after almost leaving my husband because of this happening before (my third child) I am afraid to be burned again. I will be screaming high and low in that hospital if someting happened. But why worry about things that are not yet? So I am trying to keep it in back of my mind. It could come today for all I know so try to keep that worry tapped down. I know my husband is worried about it too. Ok, gotta stop taloking about it right now. Just wanted tos hare the problem with someone that I know will not tell my family and people here. Things will be alright. Well, getting near time for my last two classes and then ballet for my daughter. Have a great weekend guys and pray for me that there is nothing to worry about. Living in China where the one child policy is, having more then two kids is not normal and looked down on a lot.