From Cocoon to butterfly

If only I had some real scripture to go for that and make it flee. Usually I don’t have much trouble with this monster. Yes, when I am sending the kids to school and going to work, I get assailed by all the delicious smells out there but other then that, I am find and I have no problem just walking away. But for the past few days, I don’t know, the calling was a bit stronger. Not strong enough to pull me but enough just to notice. And I don’t like that. Why am I doing that? What is going on mentally with me to make me feel that? It isn’t that I am not busy enough because I sure have enough to keep me busy but there just are times where it really hangs on me, where I think about how I could eat anything and everything when I was fat. No, don’t want to go there but it is so easy to just let go and eat without thinking. YOu know what I mean? I know I am faced with the inevitably factor that I will have to eat like this all my life. Having to always think before eating and eat healthy. But my mind wanders to that ice cream or cake and I think but that is all but thinking is bad enough. What is in a man’s heart .. you know the verse. I don’t want this to get in my heart. You think about things long enough, it will get there and it will reveal itself so I want to uproot it. But how? I am hoping by blogging and gradually looking at everyting, I can find the spade that can dig it out. I wonder if I am subconciously  trying to sabatoge myself? I have always had so much trouble in the 150’s. Always when I get down there, I succome to temptation and end up gaining it all back. I have done this so many times I can’t even count them. So maybe, I am doing this to myself. An unconcious fear of getting below 150. But you know what, I am going to get over this hurdle. What does an athlete do that does hurdles? There is one high one that he is having trouble with> yes, it would be easier just to forget about it. Doing the lower ones are easier and can be done without much more practice. Done it this way for years so I will not push myself to be better. NO, he never says that. He picks himself off and starts practicing. Jump, miss, Ok, do this again, jump , miss. He keeps going until he becomes better and better until JUMP                        SUCCESS!  He doesn’t stay with what he has already done, he keeps pushing himself to do what he has never done. That is what I must do. 150 is my hurdle that I have jumped and missed many times but this time, it is time to set my record, to beat my old way, to jump and then success over that hurdle and snack monster, yu are not going to stop me. You are my competition. YOu want the awards and the cheering but this time, you are not going to get it, I am! I am going for first place, for the gold! Watch me win!!

Ohh, I feel much better now. Hmm, maybe blogging is best.