From Cocoon to butterfly

The weather here is getting hotter and hotter. We got a respite in June becuase of the monsoon season but now, within a week, we are going up and up! Yikes, it makes it worse because I don’t really enjoy going out and walking because of it but I will work something out, I usually do. Things are going well and I am also feeling hot hot hot and not in the temp sense. It has actually been a few weeks since anyone has told me that I am fat! What an improvement. Usually, I would hear it about 5 or more times a DAY! Yes, CHinese are very honest to tell you your faults. I can’t get too mad at them though, I am the biggest person they have ever seen so that does add something into it. But I can tell there is such an improvement by not hearing it now. On Friday night, we went to bairenfa and it was packed! But not one said I was heavy or anything. That made me feel so much better and gave me a little more motivation! While being at home, it is hard to resist the snack monster. He hides everywehre and when you least expect it, he pounces on you big time and if you haven’t don’t your mental exercises, you will surcome every time! It is funny though when I examine my longings. I will not use the words for craving because I am not craving it, just longing for it. The other months, I wanted meat! I eat meat but I mean the good, cooked in oil/seasonings , melt on your mouth type. But now, I want pastry, breads and noodles. Strange how your longings change from time to time. If I am craving salt or something like that, I know my body needs it but flour and carbs, comeon, no way! My body is just resisting the change I am going through. I know that I am getting my 70 avi next. So many compliment me on losing but I struggle just like everyone else, I have dreams about ick just like anyone else.

I have been learning about living at goal too. Yes, I am a long way from goal but I like to just think and meditate about it. You would not go into a war without prep. and knowing the terrain right? YOu have to know where the enemy lies and what kind of weapons he has. Same with being at goal. I have to find out what to expect, what enemies there are. I can’t get starry eyed and such ad think that being thin will be the answer to all problems. I was looking at the living lean thread and reading things they have wrote. To my surprised, every one of them struggles iwth gaining weight and keeping it off. Even the BMOS who helps and moderates the forum, also has gained some and is know struggling to get it off. Not that much but enough. THese are strong people that have already lost so much and kept it off for some years but even they struggle. Even they fall and have to really be careful with what they eat. I was reading one lady who was at goal and not gained and she was talking about how everyone ate big hamburgers for July 4th but she had her turkey burger. It made me realize that weight loss doesn’t stop when you get to goal. It continues for all your life. You have to always be at war with food and your body. You always have to keep pretty much on plan. When you gain one pound, get it off then! Don’t wait till later when it multiplies and divides the leg into sausage. I know it alreayd but I didnot know it, make sense? Like Chrisie’s blog? Or was it anothers? She talks about THIN people  I forget what the acronym means but pretty mcuh thin people always watch what they eat. They don’t stop and start but they are careful with portion size and what they eat.  The ladies that have kept it off still have to get on the scale every day and when they splurge that one time, they are on plan for that week and they get it off. I guess I am like everyone else, I have these thoughts, ok, fantasies. When I hit goal, that is when I can eat everything I want and still stay skinny. But that is the fantasy isn’t it. Like a lottery winner.  It just doesn’t happen. I still don’t know how I will eat once at goal because of the way they cook here but I do know that I will have to be very careful with portion control and weigh every day. The terrain is rocky, full of holes that are easy to fall in or hiding an enemy that is armed with a chocolate bar or a bowl of noodles. I know what is out there, now, how to prepare? By taking the time and effort to know how to combate it. Some say to throw away all clothes once you get too small from them ? But that is a step I am not willing to take…. yet. That is a mental battle I have yet to conquere. But I will, I will