From Cocoon to butterfly

When I had wrote my last blog, I was still int he 200’s so now that I am near the 180’s I thought I needed to follow up that one with a sequel. Not only that, the snack monster is creeping around my house so I need to avoid him (has to be a him with all the trouble it gives me, just like a man heheh) so I thought abut posting on here and then by the time I am finished, the monster should have gone by then.

My weight loss has been doing really well but I don’t swell up with that knowledge. When I was passing by a building which was build with those reflective panels, I looked at myself and although I have lost over 65, I still have a long way to go. I make sure to remind myself of that because I don’t want to become content in what I have become, I still have a way to become what I really want. I don’t want to hit half way and stop or even 75 percent there, I want all the way. I want to be proud of myself and carry myself well because of it. Ok, so, what keeps me motivated now? So many have written me to ask, how can I do it? How do I keep it up and so on. Well, motivation plays a huge part as well as my mental struggle within. I am starting to see my dreams reflecting things. Before, I would be binging on things in my dream but last night, I was careful in what I ate and made sure it was on plan, even in my dream. And I was thinking, no matter what, I want to be thin! 

So, back on subject, what motivates me now?

I can now put on a 34 bra. I had gotten to the point before I was uncomfortable in a 36! But now I am wearing a 34!           I look in the mirror and I can see my top getting smaller. I have the misfortune of losing my weight on my top part first before my bottom part follows. But I can see my top really getting down and my shirts are all hanging off of me!          My arms no longer have those lumps that come out on top. They are straight all the way down although I do have those wings!  but they are becoming more firmer as I go.                         My waist is just a little over a inch more then my husband. If I can drop over one, I will be less then my husband!! That will be too cool! I give up any hope to be smaller on my butt and thighs but I will settle for my waist being smaller!!                              My husband can now pick me up. Before, he could not even do that.                              I can put on my linen dress. Still a little tight on the bottom but getting there!!                         My son looking at me when I picked him up at the school and him saying, “mama, you really are losing a lot of weight!”                               My daughter saying “mama, when we get older, are we going to be fat like you?”        Yes, that motivates me because I don’t want my kids to think that is the norm, that is what they will be like> They deserve a healthier and nice mama.                                My husband always skimming his hands on my body and telling me how much smaller I am and seeing the look of desire in his eyes again. Before, it was a look of disgust.                 Only hearing how big my butt is once this month! Before it was everyday and sometimes more then once a day!             Seeing those clothes and knowing one day I am going to be getting in them, no ifs ands or buts!!                Being less then 10 pounds to be half way to goal!                Being able to get on the top bunk of my son’s bed and not worrying about it falling in on me                      Having more and more confidence in myself.

Now, I am trying to get my mind wrapped around the fact that I will be eating like this for the rest of my life. I still have a bit of trouble with that I ‘.ll admit. I keep wanting to think that once I get to goal, I will be able to dip into things a bit more but I know I will not be able to and if I do, it must be pretty rare occurance. Too many people I have known go on ll and then gain some back. Even Lady and she was a tough one and she gained back 30  because of that so I know I must have a plan to follow and keep with it. Weighing everyday and once I hit 2 pounds over, back on plan. I can’t let myself go over that because as someone says, pounds are like rabbits, they bred more pounds. But I really do feel good, I feel that hope come over me, that doubt going away and theknowledge that I am going to make it!!