From Cocoon to butterfly

Another day has gone by. Just three more left and then I can rest somewhat. I was going to blog about this before but ran out of time. I have got to talk about the cat litter! Yes, strange subject but very revelant. I went to the store to get some cat litter and then started to climb my stairs to my house (I am on the third floor) I put the cat litter over my shoulder to carry since my hands were full. As I was walking up, the cat litter put a lot of weight on me and I could really feel it weigh down. I thought, hmm, how much is this, I sure can feel the heaviness. I looked and it was 10 kg (22 pounds) and then it hit me like a streak of lightening. Wow, I have already lost more than this bag of litter. Thinking about how heavy it made me walk and how muhc weight it added had me agast at how it must have been for my body to carry that extra weight around before I lost it. I know this is simple but it struck me as really interesting. To actually have a physical concept of what I have lost really drove the point home to me. So, when you go into the store next time, pick up some litter!

On the other side of hte coin, not too happy with hubby. Sometimes I could just brain him sometimes! Maybe I should, would make me feel better. We are really struggling with finances and we just never have any extra money. We had our finances almost balanced but when the last baby came and him buying htat car, well, we tipped that balance right over. He gets so depressed over it. We are not in dept but we sure have no money though. What makes me so mad at him is that he keeps expecting me to come up with the moneya ll the time! It is not him that has to find another part time job but always me. It has always been like that but I will not bore youw ith all the stories but needless to say, I am sick of it. I am saving a bit from my other part time job for being able to get my green card and now he wants to dip into that. grrr! Why can’t he get off his butt and do something. I still don’t know how we just never have any money. I wish I could really have all the money and all the bills statements to check but they don’t do statements here, most is verbally so that leaves me with air. I know it will work out. 3 1/2 more years and the mortgage will be paid off for the house and 2 1/2 more years and the stupid car that we really did not need, will be paid off. That will be great. Now, if I can just get that green card, that iwll save us money on not having to get the kids visas every year so that is more money saved. Now, we are going into the hole because DH fogot to renew the baby’s visa and now we have to pay a fine of 500 every day it was late and it was 10 days late plus another 950 just for the visa. I should hvae kept track of that but he usually does that.

Ok, calming down. Have not felt that great of a mood since getting up in the morning but a soso mood. I just wish I could disappear somewhere and just relax and enjoy myself. Well… one day. One day.

Once I get to goal, we will not have to use so much money on my food also. Buying chicken does get expensive but that is next year to think about. Ok, I am alright now. Happy losing