From Cocoon to butterfly

Well, down to 234. I can start to see a glimmer of light from onderland! I have hit it before and I can do it again! Though just a glimmer, it is there and I now am going toward the light! hehehe.  My husband is a lot happier with me now that I am losing weight. He can be my biggest obsticle and also my biggest supporter at different times. Men! But he is indeed happy I am losing.

I am excited for weigh in. Just think, in a few weeks, I will be able to be in the 220s. I can’t wait becuase that puts me even closer to onderland!! That will be so great. Today, baby woke up early as usual. I am telling you, she knows when it is my weekend. During the week, she will sleep later but come Sunday, she is up vry bright and early *sigh* But in a way, i is also good because it gets me up in time to eat breakfast so I can have my snack in the morning. If I get up too late, the timing is all wrong and then I can’t eat the snack and have to wait for lunch and by then, I am soooo hungry. Today, all three kids are home because my in laws went to the countryside for a lunch about tomb sweeping day. I did not let my kids go though. As my mil gets older, she is getting more and mor into the buddhist/taoist influence. She already knows I don’t agree with it and that I am a Christian. Fact is, there are some rituals she can’t do becuase one of her family is a Christian (hey, what can I say, God is more powerful!） She is starting to resist me influencing the kids a little more. She doesn’t do it too much because 1. she is not around that much and 2. I am not afraid to speak my mind. She was telling me that I should not have their names written in church (in the buddhist temple or ancestoral places, you write your family’s names down and they have to always go back to worship there and that way) I told her IF we did do that then I WOULD do it because I am taeaching my kids about GOD and being CHristian and there was no way they would do what she does. She then tried to get the kids to go to the ceremoney and I would not let them. It is a sore point with us at times. I already told her I would not be going to her funeral. I know, sounds crass huh. But you would have to experience a funeral over here to underestrand why. Yes, I have been before and that is why I know.

Still haven’t heard from the school yet on whether they will be signing a contract with me or not. Probably next week. If I had to guess, I would say, they are translating the contract, looking it over, seeing where they can cut things out and where they can’t and trying to think of how to get my costs cheaper. Then they will call and real negotiations will begin. Hopefully, my husband will handle that becaue I stick with negotiating. Too soft realy and I can’t be that way. I am willing to go somewhat lower on my asking price but not too much. I have been at the same salary for nine years. Time for a change!!  As for Monday, strike day. HOpe if goes well and I can get all the money they owe me. I usually can save my part time jobs money but right now, I can’t because of this.

Feeling much better and my resolve is very strong on not eating ick. I was measuring myself today and I still don’t see that much of a difference. Sometimes that can be ,um, forgot the word, not too motivational but my husband says he can see a lot of changes. For me, I know I will have to lose at least 60 and then I can more. I do see some changes already, little but some.

Been a tiring day. NOt just for the kids but also because of having to teach. I did not do so well int eaching them last summer. I know a lot of it is tired up in the fighting that was happening but I am trying to make things much better and interesting for them.

The biggest reason I am glad this day is almost over is it has been really hard today on thinking about ick. Yes, I did face that monster down but having that bing in the kitchen really got to me. I did not think of it really that much but when I was up and making breakfst, it just looked so good. But I knew, it can’t do that to myself nor to others. Yes, ohers are important also. Since getting back on the forums I have been with, they are starting to get motivated and such and I don’t want to let myself down nor them. Plus, yes, it would taste good for a little while and then I would want another and then another. Then I would feel so bad for what I was doing that I would then binge on whatever else I could find. Thus, yes I got the victory but it was a narrow miss. I can’t do that again and I know it. So,I will only buy enough for them to eat right then and then there will be no more. I should not buy really much from the bakery anyways because it is bad for everyone but I like to give them treats every now and then. I don’t want them getting too use to it though. When I was young, almost after every meal, we would have dessert. Then as I got older, well, I got use to having something after every meal and it is a habit now. I am allowed a fruit snack after supper but I forgo it becuase I know I need to break the habit and keep it broke, even from the good stuff. If I am just going out of my mind, yeah, then I would eat some fruit but other then that, I would rather not. I am already feeling better just in writing on this blog. I also bought a whole lot of junk food for one class and while explaining and showing it to the studetns, ahhhh, it looked really good, well,except for the chicken feet, but I knew I would not and did not want to. Just not worth it

An observation my husband came up with that I did not even think of, I have lost my weight in baby. Rebeccah is about 7 kg and I have lost over 7 kg. Amazing in that you have a visual for how much you lost and how much you were carrying around.

Today is Sat.  and have three more classes this afternoon and then I c an give my brain a break. I am not going to work on Monday so i WILL meet with Jason and if he is busy, I will use the time and grade papers. Too bad I am not off all day becuase I have second grade in the afteroon, bummer. But extra money is extra money.
I have been doing good in getting my exercise in every week. It definetly was not planned becuase I HATE exercise with a passion. But, my baby, six months, likes to get out and around six, gets so grouchy so I take her out and it gives both of us a good workout. Yesterday, I took Leahand Rebeccah out and went to the bakery. Now, you have to realize, that is one of my most favorite places to go!! Just love it so mcuh. I had a bad habit to buy things “for the kids” an then eat almost all of it before they even got home. I usually keep away from it all the time now but I wanted to see what would happen, what emotions would I have. Would I erupt into foam at my mouth and wreck the store with all my drool and eating? Well, I went in there and yes, it smelled heavenly! I saw a lot of things that would taste good but I let my daughter pick ONE thing and one thing only for her to eat and one for her brother to eat and then I  bought a few lao po bing for DH. Then I left and I was fine. I do admit, I was looking at the bing for a while but I would not touch it. Not worth it.! So, I feel relief int hat I faced the bakery monster and won. Still waiting to see more changes in my body. Hate to see all the bulges and such but I know, in time, they will go down. It took time to get them so it will take time to get them off.

Whew, glad that the weekend is finally here. I am going on strike now from Monday til they give me all the money they owe me. I am still waiting to see aif the other place will hire me or not. Just have to trust in GOD and wait. The journey is going pretty good. I don’t really feel deprived at all and doing well. I know a lot of peopole are looking for ways to shortcut through the sweets but I think it is best fo rme just to keep off the sweets and use fruit instead. It worked before and it will work again. While I had time today, I was listing a lot of my goals down and you know, by less then a  year , I should make it. I am so ready to see where I can really get to at goal. I have so much trouble and something always happnes that sabotagages it but this time, I am going to make it. Can’t wait for Monday weigh in. I know I will get my next avi and closer to the next one after that. I love my avis!

This is a new form of blog so I am having to try it out and see how it goes. It this works well then I will use this from now on.