I was able to say no
Today is day 79 and still abstinant. I am so thankful I have been able to stay clean and eating right but it sure is a day to day thing. Things are going alright but so ready for a break but, alas, this weekend will not be one. So mad at my husband for doing that to me. I have not had three weekends in arow off so I was really looking forward to having this Sunday off but no, what does he do but he has a class set up. Really upset about it and made sure he knew it. My sponser says I should learn to do boundries but also to be accepting of things I can’t change. But that line is so think that I am not sure where and what. There are totally different cultures, chinese and american and trying to explain that to her, well, I know it is difficult to comprehend. Things I coulde say int he US, can’t ebe said here. Boundries I could lay down in the US, can’t be laid down here. So, what to do, just take the time and wait for God to lead me the right way.
I also called my mom this morning and had a really pleasant conversation. Funny how when we are apart for a long time, we get along really well and talk more but when we are living close together, things get heated and we have a rougher time. I have been worried about visiting in the US this time becuase I have to continue withthe plan and not eat thngs I should not. That is troubling for me because I am also a people pleaser and have worked very hard to have a working relationship with my mother and father. But I can’t risk my abstinance people pleasing and I did worry about what I would do and say. But we were talkinga nd God made an opening. She was talking about how she had gained some weight from last year so I starting talking about things I was doing and also asking her to have such and such ready for me when I come because that was the way I was eating. I don’t think it really hit her how serious I am till it came to when we were talkigna bout my bd. She says she will not send anything to me (next week) but wait and have a party for me and my sister when I come (her bd is in August and that is when we will both be there) She was talking about what food would be ther and also what she would do and then she mentioned that my brother was bringing a black forest cake. Don’t get me wrong, I love that kind of cake! But she was so proud to have such a good and expensive cake but I told her, thanks but I would let everyone else have it because I just wanted to be with them. She says, you can stll have a piece, nope, just one bite, I told her that I will not because one bite is too much and a 1000 is not enough and it is true. One bite and I can’t get off of binging for months or even years. She said I should follow something I could live with but I assured her what I was doing, I would be living with because that is the only hope for me. Although she doens’t quite understand, I was at least glad to have an opening to talk a little bit with her about it. Last time, there was no opening except she thought I was crazy but I am really crazy for wanting to go through life withouth flour and sugar? I don’t think so, I think it is a smart and necessary move. Without it, I can never stay abstinace. But I am happy I was able to say no.
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